The Only Constant
by lildevchick
Summary: After a routine patrol ends with a personal tragedy, Sideswipe must find a way to comfort his brother.


Disclaimer: Don't own; wish I did.

A/N: My parents put down one of their cats yesterday. I grew up with her when I was a kid and she was one of the sweetest animals I've ever known. I was really saddened by her passing and ended up writing this. It's not a very happy fic. There's mention of death, though it's not character related.

* * *

Rain slicked the roads and pounded down on their windshields, making visibility even worse. The sun had set hours earlier and the two brothers had been sent out on patrol. There was no Decepticon activity and they decided to pass away the time just having a bit of fun. They raced along the back roads, tires losing purchase on the wet pavement, but not caring in the slightest. They pushed the limits of their speed, certain that the bad weather would keep human drivers off the roads and indoors. But the rain didn't bother them in the slightest.

They roared by at speeds in excess of 120 mph, Sideswipe leading his brother by only a couple of feet. They were silent, choosing to communicate over their private comm link. Thunder pounded overhead, followed by brief veins of lightning flashing across the sky. What should have been a routine, boring patrol was now fun and exciting as they raced each other back to the Ark.

A particularly loud crack of thunder pealed through the night.

Sideswipe was about to call back to his brother when a flash of pain and panic flooded through the bond. He came to a screeching halt, in hindsight not a good idea, and his tired locked, pulling up off the rain-slicked road as his frame spun out of control. The feeling of air rushing past him was exhilarating, offset only by his concern for his brother and the possibility that he could at any moment crash into something. He tapped his brakes and leaned into the spin, slowly coming out of it. Once he'd come to a stop, he slowly rotated himself and headed back in the direction he knew his brother to be. He hadn't realized he'd been so far ahead of his twin when he finally found him. He'd thought he'd been right behind him.

And then he saw him. Sunstreaker was still in his alt mode, a slight dent visible between his headlights. He only had a moment to wonder how that had happened when he saw the still form lying several yards off to the right. He transformed and watched as Sunstreaker did the same. Together, they moved over to inspect what the yellow Lamborghini had hit.

A deer.

The poor thing was mutilated and undoubtedly dead – he was picking up absolutely no life signs from the animal. He glanced over at Sunstreaker and noted the detached stare he gave the dead creature. Without a word, his brother transformed and sped back towards the base. No, sped was not the right word, Sideswipe noted as he moved the animal off into a clearing on the side of the road. His brother had moved off quickly, but he was definitely watching his speed.

Well, hitting the animal had dented him a little. Cybertronian alloy was much denser than any metal that could be found on Earth, so the fact that he'd received any damage at all, showed just how hard Sunstreaker had impacted the deer. He obviously didn't want to risk further damage that night.

He gave the dead animal one last glance and followed after his brother, speeding to catch up. He nudged his twin through the bond, but got no reply back. He tried nudging his brother again and felt a wave of irritation pass over him when Sunstreaker shoved back through the bond, making it perfectly clear he wanted to be left alone.

Stupid slagger was probably upset that his beautiful frame had suffered any damage.

Sideswipe caught up to his other half in no time and they continued the drive back to the Ark in silence, traveling only as fast as the posted speed limit allowed.

It took a few hours and by the time they had returned, the rain had lessened into a small drizzle.

They transformed and went inside, Sunstreaker shoving past mechs he passed in the hallway. Sideswipe stopped to talk to Prowl and report an uneventful patrol. He didn't bother to mention the deer. It had been an accident, and bringing it up would mean he would have to tell the tactician that he and Sunstreaker had been goofing off.

So he didn't mention it. He followed after his brother once he was done with his brief report, knowing exactly where he was headed. Both of them were caked with dried mud from their drive, and he was certain Sunstreaker had more than just dried earth stuck to his frame. The washracks would have to be their first stop.

He walked through the hallways, saying hi to the mechs he passed and even stopping to talk and joke with a few of them. By the time he'd made it to the washracks, he knew that Sunstreaker had undoubtedly been in there for quite some time. He wouldn't have bothered chatting up any mechs he passed under normal circumstances, and now that he was filthy he especially wouldn't have the patience for any idle chit-chat. Most mechs knew to stay out of his way when he was dirty.

Sideswipe entered the washracks and immediately stopped in his tracks. Sunstreaker was hunched over, sitting on a stool, allowing a powerful spray of water to rush over him. Sideswipe couldn't see his face but he watched his brother's servos scrub at his armor with frantic, harsh motions that scratched away his paint, leaving streaks of silver scattered throughout the yellow. The water pooling at his feet was stained a dull red.

The yellow warrior grunted and moved the bristle pad in his grip to another patch of his armor, the cables in his arm flexing with the exertion. He mumbled quietly to himself, words of desperation and pain that Sideswipe couldn't quite catch, but didn't need to. Everything Sunstreaker was feeling danced through their bond, unrestrained, and Sideswipe involuntarily recoiled when the words his brother muttered were finally filtered by his audio receptors.

"Off. Get off." He scrubbed harder at his armor, scraping away paint with every hard pass of the bristle pad.

"Sunstreaker." Sideswipe took a cautious step towards his twin, not wanting to startle him in his current state. He reached out a tentative servo, but let it hang in the air between them. He was a good several yards away from his brother and he wasn't sure he wanted to cross the remaining distance, even though he was certain Sunstreaker needed to be consoled at that moment.

The yellow front liner made no motion to show he acknowledged his other half's presence. Instead, he continued to scrub brutally away at his armor.

"Sunny." Sideswipe tried again, taking another step forward.

He flinched as narrowed optics suddenly found his own, the blue fading into brilliant white. Sunstreaker was becoming unstable and Sideswipe could hardly understand why. He was worried his twin would react badly to him standing there, but the anger faded from his optics as the color deepened in them once more and his frame sagged in on itself.

"Sides..." There was so much pain, so much uncertainty in Sunstreaker's voice that Sideswipe felt as if his peds would give out beneath him.

Without a second thought, he was at his brother's side, kneeling in the faintly tinted water to survey the damage his brother had caused himself. Thankfully, the damage he'd done was only to his paint job, but it was bad. Sunstreaker prided himself on his looks and he'd gone and stripped the yellow from his armor in several large patches. It was incredibly hard to remove paint from their frames under normal circumstances, which just went to show how hard his twin was scrubbing at himself. There was still some slight damage from the accident on his frame, but it didn't need to be repaired immediately.

Sideswipe placed a servo on his brother's arm, stopping him from attacking his paint job any further. "Sunny, stop. Look at yourself." He stared into his brothers optics trying to read what was there as the bond was suddenly muted between them. The yellow warrior was feeling weak, obviously, and didn't want Sideswipe knowing exactly what was wrong. He was such a stubborn fragger.

He looked away, optics trailing on the bloodied water. His optics widened when he took it in and something in his chassis seized, emitting a high pitched whine. It nearly broke Sideswipe's spark. He pulled his brother down onto the floor with him and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Sunstreaker didn't fight against him, but didn't return the affection, either. He just sat there on his knees, arms hanging limply at his sides.

"I didn't mean to." He whispered.

Sideswipe knew he was referring to the deer.

"I know." He clutched his brother even tighter to him. "I know."

"I killed it. It was my fault."

Sideswipe offlined his optics as his brother reopened the bond, no longer caring if he looked weak. Sideswipe was his twin and would never judge him for it, so there was no need to hide the pain he was feeling.

"No. It wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You remember that one time that Optimus nearly ran one over? Spike told us that deer have a terrible habit of freezing when they encounter headlights. They freeze up in their fear. Against a car, the move is usually a fatal one. There was nothing you could have done; it just darted in front of you. It's _not_ your fault."

"An innocent life is dead because we were messing around and because my reaction time was skewed. And now I've got it's blood on my servos."

Others may have found it odd that Sunstreaker was getting so worked up over something as simple as a deer when he'd killed countless Decepticons, but Sideswipe knew better. For all the darkness that others perceived to be within his twin, there was in fact very little. Sunstreaker was a kind-sparked mech. He simply chose to harden himself around others so he wouldn't get attached. If he didn't care, then it wouldn't hurt as much when the mechs around him would inevitably fall in battle.

Sideswipe shushed his twin, feeling the trembling of his frame as he continued to hold him like a frightened sparkling.

Sunstreaker whined again, deeper this time. "I can't get it off, Sides."

Sideswipe onlined his optics and pulled back just enough to read his brother's faceplate. "What can't you get off?"

"The blood. I can't get it to come off." His voice was panicked and he tried to lift his arms to scrub at his armor again.

Sideswipe didn't let him, simply glancing him over to see if he'd missed a spot. He sighed through his intakes. "Sunny, you got it all. The blood's all gone."

The yellow warrior shook his head. "No, I can feel it. It's seeped into my armor, blended with my paint. Off. I have to get it off." His voice was strained and he thrashed against his twin, trying to free himself from his hold.

Sideswipe only held him tighter.

"Sunny, it's okay. What happened is terrible, but it's done. Dwelling on it will not bring the deer back. I promise we'll be more responsible when we're out on patrol from now on. We'll learn from the accident, but you can't let it eat away at you."

"If I don't let it bother me, then that means I'm okay with what I did."

"If you hold onto what happened as a life lesson and don't let the guilt consume you, then that's good enough. You don't have to punish yourself." He looked Sunstreaker over again and heaved a burst of air from his intakes. "Come on. Let's get you to Ratchet so he can repair that dent and help me get a new coat of paint on you."

Sunstreaker only nodded and allowed himself to be lifted to his peds.

"We're going to have to tell him what happened, but I doubt he'll tell Prowl. We should get off with a good scolding, but that's it."

Sideswipe turned the water off and looked down at the floor. The blood had completely washed away while they were talking. He allowed Sunstreaker to move in front of him and together they made their way to the medbay.

Occasionally on the way there, Sideswipe would glance over at his twin.

Death was inevitable for all life, even them, but knowing that didn't make dealing with it any easier. To any others, the deer may have been an unfortunate and unavoidable accident, but it was more than that to Sunstreaker. It was a reminder that he was not perfect, as he wanted others to believe. He'd caused the death of something innocent and undeniably pure and he would have to live with that.

They both understood that death was the only constant in life, but what bothered Sunstreaker so was the fact that he'd aided it in a situation where it was anything but necessary. There was a difference between enjoying battle with the 'Cons and relishing causing death to innocent lives. That's why the two of them could never be anything but Autobots. They knew that several others wondered why they weren't Decepticons and it all came down to their respect for life. They could never kill just to kill.

Sideswipe was certain Sunstreaker would return to his old ways in no time, but for the time being, there wasn't much he could do. He wasn't even sure how long it would take. He'd never run over anything before, so he had no idea what his brother was experiencing, even if he could feel some of the emotional backlash through their bond. How could he possibly console his twin when he couldn't understand the level of uncertainty that he was feeling?

They arrived in the medbay before he knew it, Ratchet must have somehow known it was them because the second he looked up, he already had a glare plastered on his face. The look quickly melted once he really looked over the yellow Lamborghini.

"What the slag happened to you?" He made his way over and looked him over.

Sunstreaker ignored the medic, so Sideswipe explained all that had happened.

Ratchet gave his brother a pitiable look before he motioned to a berth. Without a word, Sunstreaker sat down and waited.

"I'm putting you into stasis." He told him and the yellow twin only nodded. The medic hooked a few wires up to him and before long, he was out.

Sideswipe turned to Ratchet, his optics conveying everything he couldn't quite give voice to at that moment.

"He'll be fine. I put him into stasis to give him a chance to rest while I patch him up."

"He'll get over this, right? It's not like him to usually dwell on things like this."

"I can't say, honestly. Hitting that deer obviously has him all bothered and I imagine he'll learn to live with it. In the end, despite you two acting like complete idiots, it was just an accident. He'll come to grips with it eventually."

"You're sure?"

Ratchet made a sound akin to a snort. "Of course I'm not sure. Mental wounds are an entirely different animal from physical ones. He's your twin – you know him better than anyone. What do you think?"

Sideswipe thought about it for a moment. "I'd have to say he will."

"There you go."

"Of course, he'll probably be all weird and mopey until we can get into a good fight with the 'Cons."

"Well, we seem to encounter them at least once a week. In fact, they're about due for an energy raid. So I doubt it'll be too long before ol' Sunshine is his charming self once again."

Sideswipe grinned. "Good. Hey, um, listen docbot-"

"Yes, you can stay the night. Just stay out of my way while I work."

Sideswipe's face lit up and he immediately climbed onto a berth directly across from his twin. As he slipped into recharge, he felt hope that Sunstreaker would move past the events that had transpired that night, but at the same time, he wondered how he would really ever get over it.


End file.
